Love & Affection

David used a love potion on me and... He tricked me into drinking it and as mad as I was I understood.

I felt bad, like a thin stringy feeling... This reminds me of when God tried to show me what the radiance of love felt like with it slowly building up, good & in comfy at first but sweet later and comfy at a point when I told God what was happening, then asked him to gear it toward him.

Now, it was not romance, not that kind of love, but I wasn't sure if love was what I was feeling. When it was geared to an angel, I felt a string of light strain, pain, when thinking of being mean to her that grew as the love grew but when it was something like "go away!"

It wasn't as straining. You are not built to be mean to loved ones, there are disincentives.

I want to find other kinds of potions to feel other kinds of love. I already loved God, and so the love radiance I felt was cool, calm and soft. I loved that! I'm glad he went through with it.

I'm gonna make a friend, spend time with my parents though I'm sure I love them and God!

I'll go and have a child with David, I'm not doing this out of infatuation. I don't have to.

You see, I want to know what parental love feels like. God programmed humans to automatically love their children at birth — it doesn't always trigger for every parent — especially not fathers, but they get it too a lot.

I'm gonna let David & I be together. I do need to assess whether he is in love with me and was just desperate or is malicious. I'm gonna have a talk with him as to why I don't think what he did was so ethical in giving me a love potion. I'd find it more ethical if it didn't involve liquids or chemicals or whatever.

I spoke to him about it, saying "It feels wrong & weird. I'm still me. I'm just feeling different. I don't just know how to love but what it feels like. I've always known how to love, but never understood what it felt like. I don't think what you did was good, it kind of violates consent or at least the natural order. The natural order is charming, kindness, and attraction leading to love and friendship, too! So... Yeah. Like... Even love at first sight is within nature. This is not natural, and is this very dangerous!"

David asked "Are you in love with me?" And I reply "I have never felt intense emotions before, so I don't know! It clearly is, I feel happier around you, I like you more, I don't like hurting you, this is the only reference I have! I'm autistic and have flat emotions it seems! I don't know if my emotional capacity is normal for neurotypicals."

My name is Cathy, short for Catherine.

David found this odd, but I said "It not a big deal!" Laughing, but he was still concerned.

After 5 weeks, I decided to get married to the most logical person: David! I'd be stupid not to! He's infatuated with me, and thus he'll feel an emotion that is either the same or similar to the emotion of romantic love!

As a result, while I don't think it should be legal to use love potions on someone, especially since those men & women who use them ok other men & women may not be of good moral character, and I surely don't think it's ethical to use them in immoral and/or sinful relationships.

I'm only marrying him because it's the quickest way to get to children! I wanna feel what parental love feels like, why not use someone already in love with me? And since my love potion made me love him romantically, me leaving & going into another relationship would be MESSY.

I don't desire to parent alone And I feel adoption needs two parents to handle the severe emotional displacement and disfiguration of foster care.

Going with a man you love via a love potion tricked upon you by him is a bad idea since he may not want kids... What lovers via romance... Hmm... Okay, they don't always dump each other over kids.

Romance can't have that strong of an emotional displacement or attachment and if it does, it can't be the same level for everyone.

That wouldn't make sense to me.

How do I get David to marry me? I want to experience that next level of love. I've had friends I've cared about, parents I've cared about, I care about & love God, I believe I love my family... I'm scared I don't love them.

Everyone says love is a feeling, I want to know the full extent of this feeling!

When you give birth or are pregnant, the brain automatically builds oxytocin, the love hormone for your child and the child in your womb's body builds it up for you in return.

As a result, I desire pregnancy. No need for a love potion when biology does the trick!

I look into David's eyes and the love of romance — or the potion — is making them prettier?

Many mothers have said their infatuation made the baby cuter, love truly is in the eyes of the beholder!

I don't know. He was always hot to me before the potion. I found him sexy to be honest before it. It was pretty cool looking at him, but I'm Christian and had to wait until marriage.

I know what to do! I'll buy him things! I think I'll batter my eyes to rest his response.

I bet my eyelashes as best I can, like in the cartoons! I'm 23 and he's 25. He's young so it kind of makes sense for him to use a potion as old people find it awful to use and even prefer true love as this doesn't satisfy them!

It probably hurts him that I only love him through a love potion. He did tell me what he did out of Guilt, so definitely I felt uncomfortable with that as that feels wrong and is extremely awkward especially when incorporating liquid chemicals and stuff...

But... I don't feel intense emotions and so I was just disturbed.

He seems like he likes looking into my eyes, good. Time for phase two: Gifts. I can get him to like me MORE with gifts and this will make it easier to get him to marry me and give me a baby! What's it like to love two children equally? If I do this, I might be able to fathom it! It's so baffling!

To be continued...