This would have always been | Part 3

TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT AND RAPe.

tHE iNCIDENT IN STORY WAS INSPIRED BY THIS.

It was the highway, broad daylight; Johnny was driving home with Candy who was staring out the window saying "I'm kind of happy you don't want to have sex with me. I don't want you to do it without mine or your consent. You don't have to if you don't want to. I just feel like you don't love me if you aren't sexually attracted to me, but... It's because I don't know if men can live without sex. Like... I saw it as an instinct."

Johnny says "We have free will. Just because I'm aroused doesn't mean I'll have sex with you. I can not want to and even choose not to." Driving, looking only at the road with both hands on the wheel.

The next morning, They were having diner at McDiana's. It was fancy, but also had the options of food you'd find at any fast food place.

She was sitting and telling him "Lovers tell each other stuff no one else would. Can I tell you something you should never tell my mom when you see her? Something you shouldn't... Judge...? No.... Be mean to her over...? No, that sounds bad... Hurt... No.... Turn us against.... No, turn me against.... No.... Be against her for....? No... Be nice to her."

Johnny says "Okay-"

"Why is everything so hard? One day I got into a car crash and I was unable to talk or speak. I had been this way for 12 weeks. As a result, my parents worried I'd never leave that state and did what they did to my brother when this happened to him after 12 months before stem cell treatment of his spine and mind." Candy said abruptly, she's crying. She's not trying to cry outwardly, but her eyes won't stop watering.

Johnny asks "Are you okay?" And she says "My mom had hired a prostitute to have sex with my brother, Tommy, but he couldn't speak or move. He could only move his fingers and mouth. The prostitute was left alone with him, and he had sex with him and said she did some stuff and he was able to be had sex with and she claimed he did everything."

Johnny was flabbergasted and asks "How did he do it if he can't move or speak and how did she know he wanted her to give him a prostitute if he can't speak?"

Candy says "Well, I mean... I don't know. She thought it was good for him."

Johnny asks "But how did he give consent?"

Candy says "I don't know. He can't move or speak."

Johnny asks "Did he plan this out with her?"

She says "I don't know. She said he was smiling on the way."

Johnny replied "How do we know he wasn't laughing at the absurdity of this?"

Candy says "She didn't know any better when she did it to him or me."

Johnny was stunned, he stared for 2 seconds in shock: "What? You're not a lesbian and those guys could give you STDs."

Candy says "He didn't mean to give me an STD. He was trying to brighten my day because mom told him it would." She was awkwardly nodding as if she was... Overly trying to convince him...? Her head tilting, her body moving in awkward motions pushing it self to the left while her head slowly fell to the right.

Candy says "So, I think she just made the decision to do it for him on her own. Everyone speaks for you when you can't speak for yourself in every matter of life. Even sex."

Johnny looks so... Awkward and scared and asks "Did your mom ask a prostitute to have sex with you?"

He was awkward and... Scared. Horrified.

She was calmly putting on a fake smile but underneath was a sense of awkward depression.

She nodded. "His name is Jake. I was so scared because what if I got pregnant? What if they aborted the baby? Without my consent? What if they assumed it'd be too horrible for me to go through a pregnancy like that? Forced to give birth with no epidural and forced me into an abortion I can't back out of or consent to." She was smiling but she was forcing it, it was awful.

"Mother loves me. She wouldn't hurt me. She was good to me in all other ways. That's how I know she didn't know better." She was convincing herself this as she said it, trying her hardest to make her mom not look like the abuser.

All the other people at the other tables and servers looked at her in pure horror.

She says "He didn't mean to give me an STD." To which a waiter, a man named Thomas asks "He knew he had an STD and had sex with a paralyzed woman who couldn't even speak?!"

She says "He didn't know. That's the funny part." Then she laughed, not because it was funny but because it was awkward telling people her trauma while trying not to villainize her mother in her head on purpose as she fiddled with the cups and said "You know, I asked God to heal me because I was scared they'd keep trying to help me and make me happy using Clyde because I thought they were all trying to help me and I wanted the ability to say no."

Johnny asks "Are you okay?" And she said "I only said yes because what else could I do? I f I said no, I'd be traumatized because that'd mean I'd been raped. But if I say yes, well, it's not rape."

Johnny says "It is."

Candy sharply slams her hands on the table saying "I said yes. Internally. You see, If I didn't agree inside, I'd be raped. I agreed inside because there was no other option. I couldn't stop him or tell her or him what I wanted. All I could do was lay there and wait so I agreed before we got into the brothel. I said yes before we got there because they were talking about it around me but not to me for some reason like I was dead or something?"

Johnny asks "Do you need a hug?"

Candy says "So, um..." Calming down, "I thought 'Okay, let's go with it because you can't stop it anyway. I was like a baby. Babies can't do much and everyone carries them around and speaks for them and tells everyone what the baby is thinking without knowing what they're thinking."

Johnny asks "Are you okay?" Concerned as she says "Mom just treated me like she'd treat any baby."

Johnny says "We don't hire male prostitutes to have sex with babies who can't consent."

Candy froze in thought. She was trying to convince herself that "I wasn't raped because I agreed to this. I said yes. That was my decision to go along with it. You weren't traumatized. Stop thinking about it or else you'll see mom as an abuser. I don't want to hurt mom. You don't have to hurt mom if she abused you. That's okay not to. You are not obligated to. I love her. I don't want to cut her off. I don't want to stop loving her."

Johnny saw her start crying -- now this isn't what caused her to react this way to her lovers and definitely isn't what caused her obsessive love disorder.

She has other mental illnesses that led to that, but she does not want to stop loving her mom and genuinely wants to believe her mother had no idea she was in pain and wants to believe that her mom didn't know any better because she saw tears of joy over her having sex because her mom thought she would never lose her virginity and never get out of the paralyzed state.

She was traumatized heavily by this, however, and begs herself not to think of it as traumatic because she thinks her mom tried her best to help her live a normal life when this completely derailed it.

Now, Candy's out here trying to re-contextualize the situation by giving her mom excuses.

Candy says "My mom didn't mean it. I forgive her. I love her. She's taken care of me. She protected me. She was over-protective. She even bought me toys. Anything I wanted. I was spoiled. She's stupid, but she doesn't mean to be evil."

Johnny is... Rocking. This notion of motherhood, this idea of a loving mother doing this makes him uncomfortable like it does the others. He rejects this notion. He refuses to believe Candy's mom is a loving mother.

He's clasping his hands together, fiddling around, rocking back & forth. This is wrong. It should feel wrong. He feels wrong. He says "No more of this. Let's eat cake. Let's have ice cream. Let's have cookies."

Candy knows what's happening, and says "Let's have jello. Let's have pie. No jelly, I don't wanna be reminded of that song."

In the background, a song plays, the lyrics says "It must be jello 'cuz can't shake that way," a flashback of when... This incident occurred.

Candy's P.O.V.

Is this consent?

I can't move.

He's turning on a song.

I have to agree or else it's rape.

If I agree, I can't go back or else it's rape.

I have to continue agreeing to sex.

I can't stop midway even if I don't like it, I have to like it. I have to let myself like this.

I have to get myself aroused or it'll hurt, so... I have to think of sex.

I need him to give me time to get aroused but I can't do so.

Frown.

Just Frown.

I frown, and he looks at me in pity and says "It's okay."

I frown harder, I need him to wait for me to get aroused so my body can prepare itself or else it'll hurt.

I gonna agree. I agree. I just need to agree throughout this time of me trying to get aroused so that I can be ready for him when he comes. He can't read my mind so I have to do this.

I can't let him know if I don't want this.

I was picked up out of my wheelchair and laid down, so I try to relax and let him have sex. It's not like I can do anything else. He just plays that song that says "It must be jello 'cuz jelly don't shake that way."

Present Day.

O_O

(O_O)

Oh.

NO- NO- NO- N- O- NO- NO- NO- NO- N- O- NO- NO- NO!

tHIRD PERSON pOINT OF vIEW.

wELL... sHE THINKS SHE MAY HAVE BEEN RAPED, SHE BELIEVES THEY RAPED HER ONA CCIDENT, BUT SHE HAS ACCEPTED THAT SHE WAS RAPED. sHE THEN DREW BACK ON THAT BELIEF, LITERALLY SHOWCASING THIS AS SHE BACKS UP OUT OF HER CHAIR SAYING "nO, IT WAS JUST DUBIOUS CONSENT BUT CONSENT NONETHELESS."

sHE DID NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX AT THAT MOMENT IN TIME. sHE JUST FELT SHE WAS GONNA HAVE IT ANYWAY BECAUSE THERE WAS NOTHING SHE COULD DO TO CONTEST IT.

"i WAS NOT RAPED!!!" cANDY SCREAMS AS SHE HAS A PANIC ATTACK INSIDE OF THE mCDIANA'S.

"hOW IS THIS GONNA EFFECT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOM?! i JUST WANTED THINGS TO GO BACK TO NORMAL! i WAS GONNA GET THE STEM CELL TREATMENTS ANYWAY, SHE JUST DIDN'T KNOW IF THEY WOULD WORK! why DID SHE DO THAT?!" cANDY RANTED.

cANDY RAN OVER TO THE RADIO AND SHUT THE SONG OFF APOLOGIZING SAYING "i KNOW YOU LIKE IT, AND i DON'T WANT TO BOTHER YOU GUYS, BUT IT'S THE SONG HE PLAYED WHEN HE RAPED- SLEPT WITH ME!" tO THE HORROR OF EVERYONE AT mCDIANA'S. oLDER WOMENW ERE SAYING STUFF LIKE "oH... iT'S OKAY, HONEY." wITH WAITERS TRYING TO CALM HER DOWN.

jOHNNY RAN UP AND ASKED "dO YOU WANT A HUG?" sO AS TO NOT JUMP HER AND SCARE HER INTO HURTING HIM, BUT SHE CLAMBERED ONTO HIM. oLDER WOMEN CAME OVER TO TRY TO COMFORT HER AND RUBBED HER BACK AND GAVE HER SOME ICE CREAM.

"tHAT POOR BABY..." sAID A WAITRESS WHO HAD BEEN RAPED BY HER FATHER ONCE AS A CHILD.

tHAT WAITRESS WAS jENNY WHO HAD GONE IN THE BACK AND ROCKED BACK AND FORTH LEANING AGAINST A TABLE NEXT TO THE KITCHEN SOBBING AND CRYING. sHE TAKES OFF WORK FOR A MONTH.

cANDY WAS TAKEN TO AN AMUSEMENT PARK TO CHEER HER UP AND GIVE HER ALL SHE NEEDED EMOTIONALLY. sHE HAD AN AMAZING TIME.

sHE WAS TAKEN THERE 4 TIMES OVER THE COURSE OF THAT MONTH. sHE WAS TRYING TO HAVE THE MOST FUN SHE COULD ALONGSIDE jOHNNY TRYING TO MAKE HER HAVE THE MOST FUN SHE COULD.

tO BE CONTINUED...