When You Grow Up | Part 1

After dying & resurrection, you awake in your mother's arms. You still vaguely remember her appearing there, on the other side, and guiding you back to the world of the living.

You are a newborn. Your mother died in childbirth, but she saw you waddling around in the odd large tunnel of the afterlife, white and black, with a white hole to Heaven. You were weightless, it was like you were floating in outer space.

You were so confused because it was pitch black in the womb, and... Very odd out here... In the tunnel..

You heard this panicked shriek and saw this big woman coming to grab you, she just tossed you to the back of the tunnel and started chasing after you. You got to see behind you. The hospital room. You can see your mom with red stuff pouring out between her legs.

You don't know what any of that stuff is, yet. Doctors are resuscitating her, but her brain will only start again once the soul is inside of her. You and your mom immediately escape the tunnel to Heaven, and you wake up back in your body, confused. and it's hard to breathe, there is an umbilical cord around your neck being clipped right now.

Your mom is being treated, but she looked at you with such despair.

Once it's all over, they do manage to save you both, but you will be the only one in this who will never remember it as the newborn memory span is that of one day for most events in the newborn's life. It takes time and aging for the brain to gain a better memory span than that as the brain's frontal lobe, which handles memory, must develop more.

You look around and people keep saying stuff, like "I'm happy he's okay... Is his mother okay...?" This big man said that. He keeps looking at you. You don't know what he's saying, but you heard noises that to an adult would sound like words and to a newborn would sound like random gibberish.

After all that, after a few days of monitoring and treatment, you both are cleared to go home and at home there's blue stuff everywhere, though you yourself are not aware of the name of this odd color. The only color you've ever seen before this is red, orange & pitch black in the womb...And white including the tummel... Even though you had no names for them...

Plus, you only saw Red & Orange when your mom would use a flashlight to play with you in the womb by pointing it at her belly because you'd always try to catch the odd light it shows like a little kitten. The light looked red & orange on her internal flesh.

Now that you're not in the womb anymore, you are so desperately confused. You are frickin' colorblind. You can see orange, blue, white, grey, red and black, though newborns can't see orange and blue they say. The scientists say that newborns can only see in black, red, and white.

These colors are all you saw, and your vision is so dastardly blurry in the flesh body you have. You can make stuff out, but this body straight up nerfed you beyond comparison. You have to slowly develop all functions, you are literally freaking blind and it's annoying.

The people carrying you keep saying stuff like "This is his baby room. I hope he likes it." The voice sounds male, it sounds like that guy that would talk to you in the womb. You look in his blurry direction.

A woman's voice, the voice of your mother, the big woman in the tunnel that tossed you back to Earth because she couldn't bear to see you enter the afterlife, says, "I think he'll like it. It's super cute!"

You are so confused and will only understand when you are older.

You are utterly helpless, hapless, vulnerable, and can't see very well.

Over time, your brain's development opens your eyes up to more colors.

You see colors that weren't there before, and it makes you seriously curious. You keep crawling to things you shouldn't to investigate the anomalous item. Your parents, however, always stop you. By now, you have completely forgotten the day of your birth, and it's as if the world is forming right before your eyes.

You had no idea the world forming itself from blobs and nothingness was just your brain developing so well that the world stopped being so blurry.

Eventually, you could see any color and everything was clear.

However, that didn't make life any less confusing. You realized that the other dimensions, planets, countries, whatever those were are all in these things called nightmares and dreams. If you scream and cry, it's a result of fear, and you are scared, and it was a nightmare.

If you are happy, calm or whatever else, it was a dream.

You are confused. You cannot tell the difference between a dream and reality.

It gets worse. You don't know what happens when you pass out, but you black out, wake up and it's like you teleported into a different area when in reality, your parents took you there. You always wonder how you even got here.

Once you wake up from teleportation, no one addresses it. No one does anything to address what just happened. Everyone acts as if it's just normal.

One day, you just passed out in the car and woke up in a shopping cart. It was as if you just teleported. No dreams, just a random popping into a different area because you lost consciousness. Everything goes black, then you open your eyelids and you're not in the car anymore.

Eventually as you grew up, you learned more & more until you started to realize something: You are named Cade. You are 8-months-old. You are a boy.

You just realized this over the course of the past 3 months. You are not the brightest baby.

Also you figured out that you are in the classification of "Baby" about a month ago, it was just today that you found out you were 8 months old as your parents threw a party to celebrate such; Sorry for any prior confusion.

You start looking at the cake they bought you, it looks good. You want that in your mouth, and so you smash it against your chibi cheeks.

You also proceed to faceplant into the cake much like your dog, Rover, faceplants into his kibble.

During the party, where you see so many other weird, creepy people, you inevitably realize something. There is this weird, rubbery, mush green bowl. It’s like... You can’t describe it. It’s got this plate under it, but the plate is attached to the bowl itself, and it’s sticking to your table.

They’ve put another snack in here. It was strawberries, and as you try to chew on them, you realize something: you can just pick up the bowl and toss it, like you’ve done before. So you try to pick it up, but picking it up by the bowl doesn’t work. So you look around it, and you notice something. It’s literally attached. Like... Like the plate under it is literally the bowl. It literally morphs into the bowl somehow. You don’t know how to describe it. You’re so young, but you realize something: what if I grab the edges of the plate?

So you grab the edges of the plate, and you are literally easily able to just peel this off the table. Thus, you toss it like a frisbee at the wall, and there are strawberries everywhere.

What apparently happened was your parents decided to try and buy one of those suction plate bowls...

What a waste of good, hard-earned money.

So your parents tried something else a little later. They gave you this weird bowl, and it was like whenever you would spin this bowl around... when you would try to turn it upside down... it would basically show you this weird thing. It would turn into this spherical circle instead of this half-bowl type thing. You didn’t know how to describe it... You would turn it around, and it was like it was trying to block you from spilling it.

So, with the bowl of cereal inside of the bowl, and the milk and all that, you decide to throw it to the floor after trying to grab the milk and cereal out of there. But your hands got wet, and you couldn’t... like, you got some cereal, you just stuffed that in your face, then You just threw that bowl to the floor, and now there’s milk and cereal on the floor now. The whole contraption just kind of... broke and everything is everywhere.

Eventually, your parents manage this and just decide to hold bowls away from you, making it impossible for you to grab and feed you by hand.

When you are 2, the world is so much clearer! It's like your eyes fully opened for the first time!

You finally figured it out: your mother is an alien, your father is a dog, and the dog is your father's brother, and this has to be your uncle.

You can't really fly or anything like that, but you are 100% sure that if you turn on the television and, like, put the little stickers on it, like the unicorn stickers—you can turn into a unicorn!

You try that, but it doesn't work. This leads to a full blown tantrum only aided by cookies.

Eventually, you reach 3, and you are still quite stupid.

The absurdity of your thoughts are real: Daddy told you babies are cooked in pots and pans, all you need is sugar, pepper and onions.

You tried it, but no baby came out so you thought "Maybe only adults can make the babies in the pots & pans because adults are made of magic!"

So you ask mommy and daddy to do it! But... They say "no," and you throw a tantrum that can only be solved by chocolate ice cream.

Suddenly, your mom says she's having a baby, and you are so excited! Then you get to see it, and it's a baby girl in pink! You know you're gonna teach the baby everything that you've been taught by your parents!

Like how the mermaids and God made a pact to stop the demons from eating all the ice cream like your mom told you, or how the clowns are the creators of the human race!

You don't know very much, and most of what you know is nonsense.

Due to your lack of intelligence, your parents troll you on a regular basis.

To be continued...